I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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