Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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