i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
