I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
