i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My bed smells like the plague
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
