Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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