we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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