just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
