Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am available for nakedness
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
