Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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