This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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