It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
