Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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