K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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