I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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