dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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