Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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