I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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