you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
