Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
