I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
