Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
