So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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