I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
