He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
