but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
