you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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