you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
