lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
3 2 1 whiskey
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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