toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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