Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
