I didn't shave. On purpose
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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