I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
