...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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