a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
