She said her name was "party"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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