hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
