sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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