batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
