Where is the hickey?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
