If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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