can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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