apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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