I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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