and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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