i barfeds in our rink
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
