Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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