i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
