I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
