Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
