The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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