I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
