cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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