Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
