My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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