Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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