He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
