I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
