When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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