why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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