i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
